"Shower Tears"

I sit here on this computer
Waiting for a sign
A sign that can keep me safe
A sign that can keep me sane
I wonder what my life will be
And who I will become
I stand in the shower thinking of her
Who she is and where she is
Or if she exists
I use the shower as an excuse
So none can see me cry
My life has had so much pain
I wonder if I am still sane.
But I must be kept alive
For those who love me
For if I were to die
They would surely mourn and cry
Even if I don't want to exist
it matters not
I must be kept alive
That is my only thought.
The pain will flow as a showerhead
wetting my face with tears
Pain flowing from that showerhead
Will last until I am dead
And so I sit here and I hurt
For the ones I love
The ones who love me must not know
The pain that rains from above
I try to love
Accept the world
But the world is cruel
People love and people hate
But the hatred seems to rule
I know not why I sit here, crying
But every day is a struggle
Trying. Trying. Trying.