Personal image in college

     One's personal image can be a very important aspect of life. If one has a poor self image, it can lead to problems, a primary problem being low self esteem. I am guilty of this. At some level I am not confident about myself in some aspect. If someone, particularly a woman, does not want to "hang out" with me, I tend to feel personally rejected. But why? Why do I feel this way, and is there any way to change it?
     I am unable to answer. Perhaps it stems from a deeper psychological issue. Perhaps I have a fear of abandonment; at time I feel as if people have simply abandoned me. Even though this logically makes no sense, there is some part of my brain telling me that I am the reason why (insert person here) did not want to hang out with me. My brain cannot seem to fathom that it could be nothing against me at all and is indeed the other person. Perhaps they simply want to relax and not deal with people, no matter who that person is. I don't understand why I must feel slighted. It should not effect me in this manner.
     I believe it is my self image. I am confident with certain things I do, such as singing, reading, and playing video games. But those are the only things. I am almost incapable of considering myself to be handsome. I may literally be incapable of considering myself to be "dating" material. I still consider the previous two girl friends I have had to be a fluke. Perhaps that I, as a person, just think very little of myself.
     It is a constant battle that I will never win. Sure, I communicate with others. Sure, I can have friends. But I don't understand why those friends like me. I mean, what's to see? How am I so likable?  Why am I here? What makes me, personally, a good fit to this world? For most of my life I have felt like a mismatched puzzle piece, constantly searching for the rest of my puzzle. So far, I have not found it.
   I know not whether it be another person, a place, or nothing at all. But I feel something is missing within myself. Maybe it is self-confidence. Maybe it is a job, a person, or some kind of fulfillment that I cannot yet understand.
    All I know is this; relationships continue to perplex and haunt me. They hurt me and at the same time I crave interaction with other human beings. Do I simply need to work on myself? Do I need to work on my reaction to others? I, frankly, don't know.
And so my first weekend on a college campus begins.
Surrounded by people, but all alone.
Sometimes wishing I was in my home.
I have friends, but don't know why.
Those friends will never see me cry.