"MURDER McBADASS HERE. WITH RELATIONSHIP SH*T!"

Sup, BITCHES??!
Murder McBadass here!
Have you ever had lady or, for ladies, BOY LADY problems?!
Well Murder McBadass is here to fix that sh*t for you!
Why the unnecessary censorship when I didn't censor the word BITCH?
Because F**K YOU that's why!
...
READER MAIL!
"Dear Murder McBadass,
My boyfriend (EDIT, FAN LADY! THIS SHOULD SAY BOY LADY!) has been acting pretty distant lately. He says that he loves me, but there is some stuff he needs to work through on his own. I don't understand why he keeps pushing me, the closest person to him, away. I am at a loss for what to do. I can't bare to see him like this, but is there nothing I can do to help? 
Thanks,
A fan"

Well, fan number one, it sounds like your boy lady is a total BITCH! You should try to convince him of his bitchness by smacking him across his overy-covered bitch face! And get him a fifty-ton gallon of whale protein, sold for 50cents at NOWHERE EVER! That boy lady should be getting his own whale protein! Next reader mail!

"Dear Murder McBadass,
My lady friend has been cheating on me, and I know it, but I can't seem to break up with her. I love her and don't understand why she would cheat on me. I have followed all of your relationship advice thus far; I just can't seem to come up with a reason for her cheating. Any advice?
Sincerely,
A fan"

...
WHAT?! That lady-friend lady is BIOLOGICALLY RETARDED! If you have been following all of my previous lady-friend or boy-lady advice thus far, she should literally be falling down on you! For kissing sounds! KISSING SOUNDS ARE MANLY! My advice is to act like you're on the toilet and take a dump! On that mean lady's head!
OR BREAK UP WITH HER. NEXT READER MAIL!

"Dear Murder McBadass,
Explosions!
Sincerely,
A fan"

...
...
BEST. READER. MAIL. EVER.
This person really gets what a relationship is! Nothing to fix here! This is grain-fed beef-fed goodness! May you get married and live forever in the cosmos of eternity and sh*t!
WHALE PROTEIN!
Alright boy ladies and lady ladies, that's it for this week's edition of...
...uhhh...
RELATIONSHIP SH*T!
PEACE, BITCHES!