"I AM MURDER McBADASS. THIS IS HOW I WAS BORN. EXPLOSIONS!"

Dear BITCHES,
By now you know that this is Murder McBadass! Again! Deal with the beef-fed grain-fed manliness!
BEEF AND GRAIN PROVIDE VITAL NUTRIENTS FOR MANLY GROWTH!
Anyway! Here's the story of how I came into this GOD DAMN awesome world! (There's BOOBS!)

*Ahem*

It was a dark, stormy day. In the middle of the dead of winter. On mother F*CKING Jupiter! My father, Alan Rickman III, was totally making kissing sounds at my mom. 
THAT MEANS THEY HAD INTERCOURSE!
When my pops-mc-gops, daddio, man-dude, BABY GRAVY DISPENSER, YOU PICK THE WORD!  was done with his kissing sounds, he said the most badass thing ever in the history of ever.
IN SPACE.
"Lady friend," my pops totally said that! "From this gravy shall come a son. We will name him..."
And then! A lightning bolt tore through the air, struck a nearby martian aeroplane shark, and CAUGHT IT ON DAMN FIRE! Why was a martian aeroplane shark on Jupiter?? F*CK YOU THAT'S WHY!
"We shall name him..."
Gorillas started highfiving exploding explosions! Supernovas exploded and DOUBLE EXPLODED!
SUPERNOVADUBBASPLOSIONS!
My daddio looked at my mommy-pops. "We shall name him," he totally put on sunglasses here "Murder McBadass."
All the ladies in the entire everything showed their boobs. Even the not hot girls got hot boobs...and showed them to the unborn me.
BECAUSE I AM GOD DAMN SEXY.
Every lady showed their boobs, that is...except my mommy-pops. THAT WOULD BE FREUDIAN AND WEIRD. BUT SHE DOES HAVE A NICE RACK.
WHO SAID THAT?!
*Ahem*
Now that it is clear that my mom has nice boppabooies (F*CKING BOOBS!), let's get back to the story.
Nine months later I shot out of my mommy-pop's hoopiedoopie (LADY PENIS!) faster than a Sonic The Hedgehog, Roadrunner, and Hummingbird love-baby could fly-run!
THAT IS FASTER THAN AVERAGE!
Just kidding I was born after fifteen minutes! Maturing at an abnormally fast rate is manly! IN SPACE!
But anyway, after the Pirates beat the Cleveland Browns 150 to GOD DAMN NEGATIVE TEN!, I had matured into a legendragon adult. 
That is how I was born. Deal with it or choose not to! I respect free will and the differing of opinions! And boobs!
WHALE PROTEIN!
Peace.
BITCHES.