"Backwards"

What I should care about I simply don't.
What I do care about simply hurts.
Why do I choose to care when there is nothing there?
What I look for is usually on an reachable pedestal or shelf
When I should really just look inside myself.
Constant loneliness and constant pain
Puts a heavy load upon my brain.
But still I don't know for who or what to care
It is as if I am totally unaware.
Others could perceive me as lazy
But lately, I wonder if I am not just crazy.
I do not see the value of myself
But I see what is upon that unreachable shelf.
I feel as if I'm living backwards
In a world full of hardship and harsh words.
I have capacity to love and cherish
But I end up with wounds most garish.
I'm way too sensitive for this world, it's true.
If only I knew what to do.
I speak to others because I must
Even when I believe it will be a bust.
Why should I start a relationship and think of things to say
When they will just leave me anyway?